Stories sorted by character Multi-character | Andrew | Angel | Anya | Buffy | Connor | Cordelia | Darla | Dawn | Doyle | Drusilla | Ethan | Faith | Fred | Giles | Gunn | Illyria | Jesse | Lilah | Mr. Gordo | Oz | Spike | Tara | Warren | Wesley | Willow | Xander Andrew Big Rock Candy Mountain: Five things that never happened to Andrew Wells By Basingstoke Summary: Five things that never happened to Andrew Wells. Rating: NC-17 Author Notes: Thanks and blame to Te for inspiring this story. Many thanks to jacquez h. valentine for a beta above and beyond the call of duty. And a million thanks to those who read this in the draft stages: you know who you are, and your enthusiasm was a lifesaver. Angel Five Christmases that Angel could have had (according to me) By Tesla Of interest only to people interested in AU. (Angel, Xander, Tara, Willow, the Harrises, Larry, Faith, Devon, Oz, Vamp!Mulder, Fred, Spike, Buffy, Giles and an OC all appear here. Not all at once.) • Five First Kisses That May (Or May Not) Have Saved Angel’s Life By Carly in Rome Rating: PG-13 Summary: Love’s first kiss. Awaken. Pairings: Buffy/Angel, Cordelia/Angel, Fred/Angel, Angel/Oz, Angel/Seeley Booth • Five Foods Angel Never Tasted By Maren Rating PG • Five Memories of William Angel Wanks Off To By SpankSpike Rating: NC-17 Summary: So it's Angel and his memories of William, NC-17 for naughty self-pleasuring. • Five Names Angel Called Buffy By a2zmom Rating: G to R, depending on section I don't own. If I did, you can bet your life, Angel would have been wearing a lot less clothes. I suspect that some of these sections are cheating, but maybe not. Also, mushier than usual. Or not, your call. • Five Names Not Found in the Watchers' Diaries new By Lynne Rating: R? I guess. Summary/Notes: A while back, [info]thatotherperv did a post about her own personal canon. I started to do one, but realized it was all about the names that Spike and Angel call each other in my fic - mostly while they're having sex. And then last night I started thinking about the backstory behind each name, and then there was fic. Technically, one of these names does appear in the Watchers' Diaries, but it's the context that's important, so just go with it. :) Pairing: Angel/Spike, in all their incarnations Warnings: Biting. Daddy!kink, but in a twisted evil sort of way. • Five Things Angel Never Says to Spike By Lyrstzha Rating: NC-17 Pairing: Angel/Spike Disclaimer: Not my sandbox. Feedback: Would be pretty spiffy. Notes: For shapinglight as her prize in the Lyrics Game. I think this is the most thoroughly any five things fic has ever gotten away from me. • Five Times Angel Lied By Spiralleds Rating: R Summary: Is it better to not make promises if you can’t keep them? Disclaimer: Thank you, Joss, for sharing. Spoilers: Canon from both BtVS and AtS, mainly early seasons, and vague comic canon. Notes: The idea for the structure was inspired by the use of quintessential quotes used as the springboard for a cluster of drabbles Sunnyd_lite did for the most recent round of Fall for S/X. Thanks to Buffyworld.com for the transcript excerpts from Halloween, Innocence, Enemies,Welcome to the Hellmouth, and Chosen respectively. A big thank you to my betas, Married_n_mich, Mommanerd, Soundingsea, and Sunnyd_lite. Without them there may not have five things or an R rating. • Five Times Angel Took Care of Lindsey By SpankSpike Rating: NC 17 • Four Ghosts of Christmas Past and One Ghost of Christmas Future By xlivvielockex Rating: PG A/N: Thank you to boy_named_susie for being her super cool betaing self • Four times Angel and Buffy almost fucked and one time they actually did new By Chrislee Rating: NC17 Summary: Angel and Buffy and (almost) sex and then sex...through the years. Anya Five Things That Never Happened to Anya By Lyra Jane Summary: Two deaths, three men, and five ways Anya's life could have unfolded. Rating: PG-13 Author Notes: Thanks to all the great "Five Things" writers who inspired this, and to Erika, Vesica, and tweedisgood for the betas. Story Notes: The characters are not mine. The dialogue at the top of each section is taken from the Buffy: The Vampire Slayer episodes "Selfless" (sections 1 and 4), "Dopplegangland" (section 2), "Tabula Rasa" (section 3), and "End of Days" (section 5). Spoils through the end of S7. Buffy Apples, or Answers to Unanswerable Questions new By lips_like_candy Rating: R Pairing: Spike/Buffy/Angel Warning: Sexy time & lots of AU, character death, general angst Cinnamon (Or: Four Times Buffy Used Her Nose and One Time She Used Her Tongue) By death_on_toast Rating: PG Summary: Buffy always wondered... Pairing: Buffy/Faith Author Notes: Want. Take. Have. Credit. Ever After: Five Fairytale Endings By seraphcelene Summary: Summary: Love can be as sharp as the point of a knife, as piercing as a sliver of glass. Five fairy tales, Buffy and Angel. Rating: NC17 A/N: Written for the IWRY ficathon. Special thanks must be extended to Kita for the line in Losing My Religon that made my thoughts for The Mermaid's Tale suddenly make sense, and a2zmom's vision of Liam as painter that gave my Liam a reason to be in the room with Buffy. Atmosphere courtesy of Fiona Apple's Never is a Promise, Colin James Hay's I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You, Rachel's Anytime Soon, Disturbed's Darkness and, for tkp, Nine Inch Nail's Something I Can Never Have. Summary from Jane Yolen's Knives. These are inspired by and loosely based around five fairy tales; they are listed at the end. Last but never least Mucho gracias, merci and Thank You to the lovely glossing for beta and encouragement. • Five Dreams Buffy Never Had By Lee Rating: NC 17 Summary: Five dreams Buffy never had. Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine. Author's Notes: Huge, huge, HUGE thanks to Maren, who listened to me rant and whine endlessly about this fic. Without her amazing beta work, this story would not have seen the light of day. This was written for echo_of_my_soul. • Five Dresses Buffy Never Bought By Maren Rating: PG • Five Futures Full of Alcohol and Sex By Kyra Cullinan Summary: Buffy's possibilities. Rating: R Story Notes: post-"Chosen", a modified response to both the Five Things challenge and the Cocktail Challenge. • Five Kisses Spike and Buffy Never Shared (And One They Did) By Cindy Rating: PG13 Note: Decidedly AU, except for the last one :-) And all individual titles are taken from song titles, which are acknowledged at the end of the fic. • Five Places Buffy Summers Never Met Nina Ash Lamia Archer Rating: R Summary: Travel the world and the seven seas; everybody’s looking for something. Buffy/Nina, some Buffy/Angel and Nina/Angel Notes: Endless thanks to omankoshojou and myhappyface for beta reading. Also, parts of this were kind of weird since my BFF's name is Nina. Just saying. • Five Places Where Buffy and Angel Didn't Make Love By Leni Rating: PG Summary: Really, title says it all. From S2 to future. • Five Presents Buffy Never Gave Angel By a2zmom Rating: PG • five ordinary moments in an abnormal situation By Sionnain Rating: PG Pairing: Buffy/Angelus Summary: These are things everyone does. AN: Another one of my purposefully timeline-vague, backstory-less B/Aus vignettes of which I am recently enamored. Thanks to both carlos_thedwarf for reading over and helping me figure out what to name this when I couldn't make the words come out. *G* I’ve been trying to write one of these “Five things” fics for forever, but my brain doesn’t work around thematic lines and I've been failing to make the five things connect. So this is an experiment. I hope that I made it work. Feeback would be great. Five Pairs of Lips Buffy Never Kissed and Five She Did By Chrislee Rating: PG Notes: Ten drabbles • Five Summers That Never Were By Alixtii Rating: R Summary: Buffy's summers were never like this. Pairings: Buffy/Cordelia, Buffy/Willow, Buffy/Tara, Buffy/Fred, Buffy/Faith • Five Times Buffy Got Drunk (and got laid) By Maren Rating: PG • Five Times Buffy Kissed Angel (and once when she didn’t) By Trixen Rating: R Summary: The title says it all. Out of order kisses, never seen on-screen. A fucked-up love letter from me to B/A. Disclaimer: Joss. Trixen. Un-mixy things Author's Notes: I haven't written anything THIS B/A in a long while. It felt so good. I missed them fiercely. • Five True Things about My Vampire, by Buffy Summers By bibliophile-42 Rating: PG Pairing: Spike/Buffy Notes: Takes place in a happy, fluffy, cliched land where Spike takes off to get his soul after Buffy breaks up with him in season six. She, of course, realizes she loves him while he's away. The power of their love reunites them and magically saves Tara from certain death. • Five Ways Buffy and Angel Never Meet And Never Have To Say I Love You, Post NFA By LAndrews Rating: R - Graphic Adult Interaction Disclaimer: Not my characters! Thank you, Whedon, Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, et al. • Five Ways That Buffy Summers Didn't Die By Spuffyduds Rating PG-NC 17 Buffy/Spike • Four Outfits Buffy Never Got to Wear, and One She Did By biggrstaffbunch Summary: Clothes make the girl, or so it's been said. Four fashions Buffy never rocked, and one she did. In honor of BtVS's tenth anniversary. Rating: G, G, PG-13, PG, G Pairing(s): Buffy/rollerderby outfit, Buffy/Sixteen Candles, Buffy/Angel, Buffy/her own morbidosity, Buffy/her lost youth A/N: Spoilers for Season 8 Comic and pretty much Dark Horse Buffy canon in general. If it seems like it didn't happen, check Wiki's Buffy entries out, and according to the comics, it did! Oh, and bonus points if people catch my shout-out to Firefly (pretty hard to miss) because ALL Jossverse's deserve some lovin'. Dedication: This is for zanthinesgirl because whenever she reviews, my day is instantly brighter. Also, I am splitting the dedication to a2zmom 'cause I got her lovely spring greeting card and was sooo happy I had to write her a special little something. Part three is for you, dahliiing. *hugs* • Four Terrors that Buffy never faced (and another that--) By Trixen Rating: R Summary: the title is self-explanatory Warning: Dirtiness, heh. • Four Times Buffy Saved Angel’s Life (and One Time She Couldn’t) By Semby Rating: PG Summary: If she had the choice, she’d save him every time. • Five Ways Buffy And Angel Never Raised Connor By Mountaindew_Punch Summary: Five Ways Buffy and Angel never raised Connor, or any other children. Rating: PG Disclaimer: Don’t own either Buffy or Angel. Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN owns them. Please don’t sue. I’m poor. Spoilers: The entire Buffy & Angel series is fair game. Additional Notes: I’ve read other fandoms and they all have at least one five ways this never happened fic, so I thought I’d write my own. These are alternative ways the Buffy/Angel verse could have gone down. AU scenes follow canon until an event/whatnot happens differently. • Five Ways Buffy Was Never Pregnant By Mountaindew_Punch Summary: Five Ways Buffy was never pregnant. I.E. with Angel‘s child. Five drabbles Rating: PG Disclaimer: Don’t own either Buffy or Angel. Joss Whedon, The WB, UPN owns them. Please don’t sue. I’m poor. Spoilers: The entire Buffy & Angel series is fair game. Additional Notes: This is my second attempt at the “Five Ways” shtick. These are alternative ways the Buffy/Angel verse could have gone down. AU scenes follow canon until an event/whatnot happens differently. Cuz, let‘s face it: Canon sucks. Plus this fic is unbeta. There will be grammar and spelling mistakes. • Five Ways That Riley Never Killed Spike By Nicole Anell Leans in Buffy/Riley and Buffy/Spike directions. • Five Ways They Never Filled Her Shoes Spiralled Rating: PG Setting/Warnings: Season 5 through post-Chosen A/N: Five Drabbles, One Girl. Partially inspired by comments cherrymmm once made about SMG's feet. • Five Ways to Kiss the One You Love: A Valentine By seraphcelene Rating: G Summary: My heart has made its mind up and I'm afraid it's you. Pairing: B/A Spoilers: Angel, Innocence, Becoming (Part II), I Will Remember You, Not Fade Away Archiving: House of Leaves. Everyone else please ask. Notes: It's not quite a fic, just a valentine, if I must be honest, dedicated with much affection to fandom. Summary from Wendy Cope's Valentine. One line hijacked from Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic. Feedback: and Constructive Criticism. Is like air and highly addictive. In other words, yes please! Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series and all related characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, WB, et al. I’m just taking them out for a little exercise. • Hallelujah By Regala Electra Summary: The one where happiness is in the eye of the beholder, a prayer isn't the road to salvation, and parting isn't always such sweet sorrow. Based on "Five Things" challenge. Rating: R Author Notes: Spoilers: BtVS: "Showtime” • Once, As He Remembered, All Was Singing By Doyle Rating: PG Summary: Five things that might have happened, but didn’t. Pairing: Buffy/Giles Notes: For the B/G open ficathon; request was an AU season 3 where Angel never came back, privacy, training, Giles impressed by Buffy’s brains, not too much angst. The title’s from a Fleur Adcock poem. • Solace(five lovers that Buffy Summers never found it with) By Twinkledru Rating: NC-17 Notes: The vignettes are, in order, Buffy/Tara, Buffy/Giles, Buffy/Gunn, Buffy/Drusilla, and Buffy/Lilah. The latter two involve, respectively, spanking and bondage. Disclaimer: Joss'. Duh. • Some Other Time: Five things that never happened to Buffy Summers By hold_that_thought Rating: R Spoilers: Through Buffy Season 5 Disclaimer: The characters used within are the property of Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, and of course Joss Whedon. It's their sandbox, I'm just playing in it. Notes: Big thanks to Nongenius, little_bit, and sunbraye for the fabulous betas. And huge credit to kita, who got the whole Five Things ball rolling in the Buffy community. I am in total awe of all the amazing fics I’ve read that came from this challenge. • Watching… Or Five times Buffy and Angel watched each other By Lisa/Druinsanity Rating: PG Disclaimer: I don’t own them but oh how I wish I did. Connor fitter happier more productive By Zara Hemla Notes: Hey, look at me! I'm writing fic about someone I don't even like! Well, good luck, Connor. Don't come back. Title and section quotes are from Radiohead's "Fitter Happier." "Everybody Cryin' Mercy" is Mose Allison & Bonnie Raitt, 1973. "New York Mining Disaster (1941)" is the Bee Gees. • Five Birthdays Connor Never Celebrated (And One He Did) By Rivrea Rating: PG to PG-13 Summary: Um, see title? Author's Note: An early birthday fic for the wonderful edoraslass. Thanks again, just_ann_now, for the beta! • Five Families Connor Was Not Magically Squeezed Into After His Real Vampire Dad Slit His Throat By Annakovsky Rating: PG Summary: Connor Bluth had discovered his superpowers just after he had dropped his brother George Michael off at George Michael's girlfriend's house on Friday night. Fandoms: Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Arrested Development, Supernatural, The O.C., Harry Potter Characters: Connor Disclaimer: They're not mine. AN: For Swmbo, on her 32nd birthday. • There Is No Happily Ever After: Five Fairy Tales That Weren't By Stoney321 Rating: PG-13 for some violence. Pairings: No pairings: AtS female ensemble and Connor Warnings/Spoilers: Seasons 3-4 of AtS Disclaimer: I own nothing. I make no money. I am a bum in a box. Also, a few lines from various eps of AtS were used - did I mention the no profit and ME could take my box away? A/N: Massive thanks to Germaine_pet who whipped this into some semblance of order, and wouldn't take no for an answer and pushed me not to be mediocre (let's hope.) Thanks to Crazydiamondsue for knowing what I was trying to say and making me say it. Also, #2 Fred was written especially for inlovewithnight for her birthday. • Weighs Nothing: Five Lies That Connor’s Father Told Him By Kita Rating: PG Summary: “You also may discover that a child’s coffin, Mr. Wyndham-Price, it weighs nothing.” –Holtz, “Loyalty.” A/N: I’ve always said I can’t write a 100 word *sentence*. So I challenged myself to this. Five drabbles, using the strict definition. All kinds of feedback and crit are welcomed here. Cordelia Five Conversations Cordelia Never Had (But Should Have) By xanzpet Rating: FRT-13 Summary: A series of five brief conversations Cordelia has with some of her former friends after she breaks up with Xander. Warning(s): Spoilers for Lover's Walk Feedback: Con-crit is always welcome; flames are not. Five Lovers Cordelia Chase Could Have Totally Had, If She'd Wanted Them By Starlet2367 Rating: PG Summary: The title says it all. Disclaimer: Sadly, they're not mine. Luckily, I can still play with them. To Little Heaven as partial payment for a fic I owe her. (Enough of these and I'll have you paid off in no time.) Thanks to Samson for the beta and the totally hilarious 'I wish I quit quit you' ficlet. Special thanks to Tesla for not being Ms. Pee Pee Pants. Also, props must go to Glossolalia for giving me the idea in the first place. • Five lovers Cordelia Chase never had By RozK Summary: The more things change, the more they remain true. Rating: R Author Notes: This started with Te's idea of the AU in which Xander and Giles went to LA and Cordy and Wesley stayed behind - oh, I said over popcorn, that means. Completion has taken far too long, but this is because of writing books at the same time and having personal stuff go on. Story Notes: Timeline: Season 4-6 BtVS. Pairings: Cordelia/Joyce, Cordelia/Glory preslash, Cordelia/Buffybot, Cordelia/Tara romance, Cordelia/Willow preslash Disclaimer: Property of Joss and Mutant Enemy and Fox - borrowed and given back. • Five Ways Cordy and Xander Never Got Back Together By EntreNous This is a Five Things Fic, five different scenarios all with the same theme that did not take place, but could have. For this story, my theme is Cordy and Xander getting back together, and each of the parts/separate scenarios is a drabble (100 words exactly). Rating: PG • Lipsticks or Five Shades Cordelia Never Wore By Kate Bolin Rating: PG No matter what life she leads, she still knows how to accessorize. Darla Crack!Drabble: Five Ways Darla Didn't Die By Lafemmedarla Rating G Summary: does exactly what it says on the tin. Notes: Written while on a crazy aim talk with darlas_mom. Dawn Five things: Dawn By Pares • Five things Dawn didn't learn from Spike By ShyBob Summary: The title says it all: these things didn't happen during seasons 5 or 6. D&S friendship. Rating: PG-13 Author Notes: Too little, too late for the challenges. Story Notes: SPOILERS: general season 5 and 6. Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associated characters are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, United Paramount Network, and Fox Television. This work is not for profit, and no ownership of aforementioned copyrighted material implied, nor any infringement intended. • Five Things that Never Happened to Dawn By HonorH Thanks to Selena and her Warren "Five Things" (&^*% plot bunnies!). Hope you enjoy. • Five Things That Never Happened to Dawn Summers By Boschette Rating PG Doyle Five Four Things That Never Happened to Allen Francis Doyle, Unless It Was In a Galaxy Far, Far Away By Doyle Pairing: Doyle/various (slash) Notes: my request for the Doyleathon II was for slash, AU and a crossover. Since I couldn’t pick a fandom, I scribbled fifteen male characters on bits of paper* and picked five of them. (This was before I realized the Fight Club bit would be nearly 2000 words on its own, which is why there are only four of these) There may be just a *slight* element of crack to this fic. Also the Fight Club rules are from the book so may differ a bit from the movie. Drusilla In their eyes: Drusilla By Te Summary: Drusilla is observed. Spoilers: Oh dear lord. Um. Assume pretty much everything for Buffy and Angel up through the preview for the Angel episode Salvage. Ratings Note: R. Contains content some readers may find disturbing. Author's Note: One more for Kita's Five Things Challenge. So props to her,and to Basingstoke for inspiring the whole thing. Vignettes arranged in chronological order, from somewhere around S3 Buffy to somewhere post S7 Buffy and S4 Angel. Acknowledgments: BIG love to the Spike and Jenn for audiencing. Disclaimers: No one here is mine, and I can't even claim that's a bad thing. Ethan Five Decisions Ethan Rayne Never Made By Mireille Summary: The title basically says it all. Rating: Mild R Pairing: Mainly Giles/Ethan, but also Ethan/OFC and Giles/other in places. Disclaimer: They're not mine, and it's probably all for the best. Notes: Thanks to my beta-readers, pinkdormouse, who tried to cure me of Long Sentence Disease, as well as other things. Anything that sucks is still my fault. Witchcraft When Your Eyes (Three Things That Never Happened to Ethan Rayne) By Jane St. Clair Vague spoilers for A New Man Disclaimer: Of Joss. Faith Divergent Roads By Cheebs! Five Faiths that never were, are or will be. Rating: R AU, Spoilers for BtVS s7, AtS s4 • Five Holidays Faith Won't Forget By Beer Good Rating R • Five Faithless Moments By Luddite Robot Five Drabbles concerning Faith's life pre-Sunnydale. PG Contains allusions to sex, violence, theft, suicide and underage use of alcohol. • Five Movies Faith Never Saw By Zandra_x PG-13 Disclaimer: Something witty that confirms Joss Whedon's ownership of this character. Thanks to cindershadow, who came through again as beta. • 5 Movies Faith Really Loves (and Who She Watched Them With) By Vesica Rating: PG-13 Author's Notes: A thank you to booster17 for brainstorming. • Five Faiths That Never Were By Nyxie Rating: R • Four Times Faith Was Tricked & One Time She Was Treated By xlivvielockex Rating: PG-13 Summary: Five different Halloween moments in the life of Faith Lehane. Pairing: Buffy/Faith • Five Good Things That Never Happened to Faith By M Phoenix Summary: Five Faith drabbles. Rating: PG-13 Pairing: Faith/Buffy Author’s notes: Written for thewishverse, who requested happy Fuffy. So of course I ended up with this. Sorry. Also, it has been pointed out to me that my definition of ‘good things’ may be a little odd. Disclaimer: Faith and the others do not belong to me. I’m sad about this, but they are probably grateful. • Five Things Faith Never Said (But Should Have) By Phaedra's Love Rating: R Pairings: Faith/Xander, Faith/Buffy, Faith/Angel, Faith/Wes, Faith/Wood Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for a 1996 black Jetta. • Five Things That Happened To Faith But We Never Knew About aka "Lonely Girl" By Faith PG • 5 Ways Faith Thinks She’s Better than Buffy By Vesica Rating: PG-13 Fred Unwoven By Roseveare Summary: 'She is/was never here.' Rating: PG Author Notes: Five AU drabbles; Five Things That Aren't challenge. Story Notes: Spoilers to 'Supersymmetry' only. Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, yadda, yadda, yadda. Giles Five Black and Gold Rings By beccaelizabeth Five things that never happened to the ring Giles wears. G/E in parts, with crime and kissing. • 5 times Giles and Buffy reflected on events in their relationship By rumidha Rating: There's only some suggestive dialogue, and no curse words, so a vaguely PG-13ish? Summary: See the title. Disclaimer: I own diddly. I own squat. Diddly squat! • Five ways Giles forgot he was a Watcher when Buffy was in the room By Wiccagirl24 Spoilers: The Gift and Flooded Disclaimer: I have a bazillion pictures of ASH, and I own all 7 seasons of Buffy. I do not, however, own the rights to the show. A/N: written for katekat1010, who gave me the title. This is just a little ficlet. • Four Pairs of Shoes Giles Never Bought and One He Did By Zandra_x Rated G-NC-17 Notes: Thanks to Entrenous88 for the original inspiration for this. • Five Ways to Die a Slow Death By Annakovsky Summary: Five things that never happened to Giles. Rating: R for language and violence. Spoilers: Through the season 6 episode 'Tabula Rasa'. Disclaimer: All characters, settings, universe, etc, belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Notes: This is a response to the Five Things challenge. Thanks to Kita, who I believe first suggested this very popular idea, and to all the wonderful authors who've done such an excellent job with it in the past. This is my own humble attempt. • Five Variations on an Urban Legend By L. Inman Rating: PG Summary: Giles and Buffy reflect on their purposes. Gunn Four Birthdays Charles Gunn Had and One He Didn't By Viciouswishes Rating: G Setting: various, spoilers for "Not Fade Away." Pairings: none, hints of Gunn/Fred, Gunn/Anne, and Gunn/Gwen. A/N: For fanfic100 birthday prompt. • Five Reasons Why Charles Gunn Doesn't Wear a Do Rag By seraphcelene Summary: So will my page be colored that I write? Rating: G A/N: Race and Fandom collapsed under the weight of character and stereotype. This is the result. Summary from Langston Hughes' Theme for English B. Written with only a cursory pass at canon and character, much heated, itchy personal angst, and no real apology. Archiving: Essential Imperfect, everyone else please ask. Disclaimer: Angel and all related characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the Warner Company, et al. I'm just taking them out for a little exercise. • Five Things Gunn Tried when Cordelia Told Him to Get a Hobby By Likeadeuce Rating: PG-13 Characters: Wesley/Gunn, Cordelia Description: Fantasy sports, rock climbing, hanging out at the comic book store, holding the bags while Cordelia shops, and reading in bed. Late season 2. No actual spoilers. Written for: callmesandy Wes/Gunn, Cordelia. "Up the mountain," demon that smells bad, banter. Disclaimers: Characters are not mine. A/N: Comic book references for my new fandoms, and because I can't help myself. The book Gunn is reading is by Robert Crais. Also, this would have taken place in early 2001, so sports and comic book references use that time frame. Illyria Five Ways Illyria Never Used Her Senses Before By Heather (darlas_mom) Rating: PG Warnings: A weird combination of angst and humor is ahead, with one relatively unexplicit making-out drabble. Jesse Five Ways Jesse McNally Never Died By blueanddollsome Rating: PG Characters/Pairing: Jesse! Also features Angelus, Faith, Glory, Warren, and Xander Lilah Five Cities, Five Stories: Lilah By Jennifer-Oksana Summary: Five cities where Lilah could have been, but wasn't. Five people Lilah might have been, but wasn't. Part of the "Five Things" challenge. Story Notes: Might contain some disturbing content. Beware. Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Mr. Gordo Five Things That Never Happened to Mr. Gordo By Am-Chau Yarkona Summary: In the now-popular Five Things format, with the added constriction of writing in 100-word drabbles, the author considers what could have happened to Mr Gordo. Rating: Mostly G; drabble three might push as high as a soft R. If you get it. Author'snotes: Thanks to the Buffistas for their ideas and support; especially SophiaP and Minim Calibre. Oz Five People Who Oz Wasn't By deird1 Rating: PG • '...it's less dangerous': Five Covers the Dingoes Never Played at that LA Gig By Glossolalia Summary: Five things that never happened during "In the Dark". Rating: NC-17 Author Notes: For the "ats_endofdays" tribute. Bastard response to the Five Things challenge. Thanks to Romany, for inspiring #4; to Snow, for wanting #3; to Kit, for Jacobean slang, Dubliner dialect, general awesomeness, and last-minute betaing; and to Doyle, for organizing the entire thing. Source notes follow the fic. Disclaimer: Characters the property of various corporate fatcats, including Whedon, Greenwalt, ME, Fox, &c. • Two Things That Didn’t Happen To Oz By Misha Ratings Note/Warnings: R. Contains content some readers may find disturbing. Spoilers: Inca Mummy Girl, Phases, The Wish. Acknowledgments: To Basingstoke, whose Smallville story "Five Things That Aren't True" started this whole thing; to Kita, who issued the challenge; and to all the great writers who answered this challenge. Song lyrics: “Shadows” by Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary). Disclaimers: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy Spike Five Cinders That Never Burned By Lesley Summary: This one offers different tracks things could have gone for Spike from 1880, Entropy, Bargaining, Chosen, and ATS S5 - regular casting spoiler only, speculation only - but didn't. Rating: NC 17 Dedication: Lori for the wonderful beta, help and support. Magpie, as ever. Diva Stardust and Miggy for sharing their respective birthday presents, and the magnificent Lovesbitca. Kita for the challenge. Disclaimer: Belongs to Joss, ME, Fox, etc. Pairings: Multiple. It's a set of 'what if?'s after all. Warnings: Angst. Character Deaths - some on an epic scale. Strong language, sexual content, adult future Spawn, shameless sentimentality, gratuitous Glam Rock references, and images that some people may find disturbing - especially lovers of the Buffy character - I'm really, really not kidding on this. • Five Things Spike and Angel Never Did By Lynne Pairing: Spike/Angel Genre: Five drabbles, 500 words. Disclaimer: Joss owns all. Author's Notes: Unbeta'd, because I procrastinated until the last possible moment. If it sucks, it's completely my fault. • Five Places Spike Could End Up Post-NFA By shinodabear Rating: PG Disclaimer: Just for fun, these are. • Five Spander Stories I'm Not Writing By darkhavens Rating: R Summary: Five Spander Stories I'm Not Writing. At all. Ever. So hush. Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made. Warnings/Squicks: Gross abuse of fandom cliches and kinks. • Five Things That Never Happened To Spike By Kita Summary: Er...five things that never- yea. That. Set in seasons 4, 5, summer following S5, & two post-S7s, respectively. Rating: R-ish for some language, violence, disturbing imagery including nearly-fluffy Spuffy, and smut of various varities. Nothing too graphic. Thanks: Surfal, Daki, Jess, Te & Wolfing. Disclaimers: Not mine. Joss'. No profit. No sue. • Five Things The Chip Was Never Marketed For By Josey Rating: Hard R. This story assumes that Spike was recaptured during The Initiative (4.7) and offers five possible futures for him. All events after that episode happened as we saw it on screen, only without Spike’s presence. All scenarios take place during the time period of AtS season 5, so there may be a few character spoilers. Warnings: I've been told this is pretty depressing. Contains torture (non-graphic), character death. • Five Times Spike and Buffy Almost Kissed new By lips_like_candy Rating: PG The five sections (leather, lamp, crypt, yellow, fight) all happen within the seven seasons of Buffy. 'Leather' is sometime between Afterlife and Flooded, 'Lamp' is shortly after Crush, 'Crypt' is after No Place Like Home but before Fool for Love, 'Yellow' is right after Who Are You?, and 'Fight' is slightly AU in School Hard. • Five Times Spike Doesn't Get Buffy Flowers new By lips_like_candy Rating: PG • Five Ways Spike/Buffy Didn't Happen By soundingsea Rating: PG-13 Summary: Wishverse, roadtrip, amnesia, mortality, reunion: five ways Spike/Buffy didn't happen. Thanks: to pukajen, rainkatt, spiralleds, and xanphibian for beta-reading various drafts. All mistakes are my own. • Five Ways Spike and Xander Didn’t Meet By spikedluv Wish!Verse: Vamp!Xander & Spike Initiative!Xander & Hostile 17 Hyena!Xander and Spike Xander the Vampire Slayer Vamp!Xander and William Overall Rating: NC17/Slash Story notes at the beginning of each section. • Five Times Spike and Xander Never Went Shopping By cordelianne Rating: PG Summary: I think the title sums it up nicely! Pairing: Spike/Xander Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss owns them. /N: This is a series of connected drabbles, each set at a different time over the course of BtVS. Thanks, as always, to savoytruffle. All mistakes are mine. • Five Times Spike Didn't Kill Xander new By lips_like_candy Rating: PG13 • Five Things Spike Does with Angel's Ashes By Lyrstzha Rating: PG, very mild slashiness • Five Times Spike Had Xander's Back (Whether Xander Appreciated it or Not) By noandwhere Rating: NC-17 (I mean that now!) Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, et cetera ad nauseum. Notes: Written for bloodclaim's 4th anniversary. Beta'd by wildannuette, and introducing my first Spander schmoopy!smut (which is the only smut I do, really). Feedback is life. • Four Corners By Anna S. Pairing: Spike/Xander Just four vignettes, on a theme of difference. • Four Valentine's Days That Never Happened... And One That Did By SpankSpike Rating: NC-17 - Is There Any Other? Summary: Valentine's Day is approaching and Spike's been having some surprising dreams and daydreams about things that could happen on the holiday. The thing that actually happens when Valentine's Day arrives is perhaps the most suprising of all. Pairing: Spike/Angel - Also Spike/Xander, Spike/Drusilla, Spike/Fred, and Spike/Buffy • What Goes Around By woman_of_ Rating R Summary. Spike gets the chance to change history five times, but the outcome is not what he expects. Pairing Angelus/Spike Warnings M/M relationship, some minor character deaths. Disclaimer All for the love of Joss, who is God and creator! Just playing a What If game. Spoilers None really, Spike in Wheelchair in season 2 and The Wish universe mentioned. Acknowledgments Special thanks to sexymermaid for a quick polish off, Hugs. • Tara Five Christmases That Never Were By Flurblewig Rating/Warnings: Mostly PG, mild R for section 2 Pairing: Buffy/Tara; Faith/Tara; Dawn/Tara; Fred/Tara; Tara gen Timeline/Spoilers: AU Disclaimer: Not mine. We all know that. • Four Spells Tara Never Cast (And One She Did) By Melody Rating: Somewhere in-between PG and PG-13. Warnings: Some violence and abuse. Spells and general badness. Nothing more disturbing than they actually had on the show, though. Disclaimer: Tara and Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whedon. I grovel at his feet (and steal his characters). Author's Notes:: This story was jointly inspired by ats_btvs_fanfic. • Insect Reflections And Other Mistakes By Netgirl Five mistakes Tara's made, two of them with Anya. Rating: PG-13 Warren Five Things Which Never Happened To Warren By Selena Summary: See title. Five roads not taken for Warren. Spoilers: For all seven seasons. Yes, seven. Thanks to: The person who issued the "Five Things." challenge; HonorH for beta-reading; Andraste for an inspiring debate. Wesley Five Things That Never Happened in a Basement By missmorganpryce Summary: Five things that never happened in the basement after Lilah’s death. Rating: PG-13 Pairing: Wesley/Lilah Warnings: Spoilers for “Calvary” and “Salvage” Disclaimer: All hail Joss, all throw tomatoes at the WB. Author's Note: Written for the Lilah/Wesley ficathon. For jackie_oh Two things she wanted included in the fic: A make out scene, a reference to Dante's inferno. Two things she didn't want: Fluff, Character Bashing. Preferred rathing: R. I tried my best! • Five Ways to Have a Happy Ending, and Not One of Them True By Minim Calibre Story Notes: Lilah, Wesley, and five ways they didn't work out. Five things that aren't challenge. Rating: PG Pairing: Lilah/Wesley Disclaimer: Belong to Fox, ME, Joss, etc. Not mine. Willow • Arise, little girl By Te Summary: Five things that never happened to Willow. Rating: NC-21 Author Notes: A sequel to "Justice," one of the vignettes in "Five Bastardized Virtues: Xander." You should probably read that first. Thanks go to the Spike and Jenn for audiencing. Also to Kita for issuing the challenge and Basingstoke for inspiring it. Story Notes: Vague, AU'ed spoilers for The Wish and School Hard. Contains content some readers may find disturbing. Disclaimer: Ave Joss. • Five of Willow's Pets By deird1 Rating: PG • Five Other Lies By Rebecca Lizard Summary: These didn't happen. Rating: R Author Notes: Written with Kita's Five Things that Aren't True challenge in mind. Thanks to Minim Calibre and Hecubot for the audiencing and beta passes. Much much love to deborah grabien for convincing me to finish it. Story Notes: Spoilers for seventh season. Disclaimer: Nobody thinks I'm Joss Whedon. • Five Things That Never Happened to Willow Rosenberg By Lorraine Rating: R for language • Five Ways of Becoming Someone Else By Kyra Cullinan Summary: Five Willows who never were. A study in transformations. Rating: NC-17 Author Notes: Much thanks to Te for the invitation to do this, Kita for issuing the challenge and Rachel Anton for encouragement. Story Notes: Spoilers for the whole series, specifically Dopplegangland, Wild at Heart, Tabula Rasa, Grave and Chosen. • If I remember thee not By Rivrea Rating: G Summary: Five Jewish holidays which Willow Rosenberg doesn't always celebrate. A/N: 1) Written for vampedvixen's request in ninebillion's "faith in fanfiction" exchange: "What prompted Willow to deviate from her Jewish background and become Wiccan?" I don't think this fits the prompt 100 per cent, but I sincerely hope it's close enough. Vignettes set pre-show, in late season 3, early season 5, early season 7 and post-show (without comic canon) respectively. Title swiped from psalm 137. Xander Behold, Little Padawan! (aka Five Adventures Xander Harris Never Had Wrapped in One True Christmas Story) By Lizbeth Marcs Rating: PG Summary: As Andrew tells five positively true (he swears!) stories about Xander Harris to a gaggle of Chicago Slayers, a stressed-out, exhausted Xander blows into town to help with a demon hunt. Toss in Faith who’s hopped on the bandwagon for reasons of her own, and it’s another classic Harris Christmas Special. Warnings: Links to Snopes.com, the Urban Legends Reference Pages may lead to disturbing stories and/or images. Please click with caution. OUTSIDE LINK • Five Bastardized Virtues: Xander By Te Summary: Five things that aren't true about Xander. Rating: R Author Notes: Big shout-out to Basingstoke, whose Smallville story "Five Things That Aren't True" has now inspired me in three different ways. Latest, of course, through Kita's challenge. Story Notes: Contains content some readers may find disturbing, and spoilers for The Pack, Phases, The Wish, Beer Bad, and Buffy vs. Dracula. Disclaimer: If he was mine, I'd treat him better. Or worse. You never can tell. • Five Birthdays That Never Happened to Xander Harris by Yin Rating: PG-13 at most Pairing: Xander/Various Notes: For ladycat777 for the beta. • Five Jobs Xander Lost Because of Spike and One He Didn't By darkhavens Rating: PG-13 Summary: Xander loses job after job but finally gets a clue. And a summons. Pairing: Buffy: Spike/Xander Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made. • Five Men Xander Kissed Before (and the one he's kissing right now) By Soft Princess Rating: PG-13 Summary: Xander's an expert at making mistakes. Pairing: Xander/Larry, Xander/OC, Xander/Riley, Xander/Spike, Xander/Andrew, Xander/Giles Disclaimer: Joss owns. I don't. • Five New York Minutes (That Never Were) By NWHepcat Rating: R Summary:1. A reunion. 2. An awakening. 3. Another reunion. 4. A wedding. 5. A honeymoon. Author Notes: Lyrajane's Hometown Challenge, crossed with Five Things That Never Happened. Thanks to Automatic Badgirl for wedding tales, and Herself and Luddite Robot for the beta reads. Story Notes: Casual and not-so-casual violence, drug use, lots of darkly angsty dark angst. Except for the parts that aren't. Disclaimer: Joss's characters belong to him in the legal sense. The new slayer's all mine, but the spell that called her belongs to Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement intended, and no profit has/will be made from the use of said characters. • Five Scars Xander Got Paid For By darkhavens Rating: PG-13 Summary: Xander had always been prone to possession. There was something about him that attracted demons and trouble like ants to sugar, and something in his physical or psychological makeup that left him much more open to picking up hitchhikers of the non-corporeal persuasion. Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made. Notes: Written for fall_for_sx, for mini_nanowrimo and for the 4th anniversary of bloodclaim. This can be read as a standalone but is also set in the Protected!verse, where Spike and Xander are in an established relationship and have decided that they want to be together for as long as possible, but without turning Xander. Xander bears scars and tattoos and other markings of spells and protections gifted to him by various demons. Each fic tells the story of one or more of these markings. • Five Things Xander Harris Didn’t Realize He’d Miss About Sunnydale By julia_here Rating: This is PG for gut pain. All characters and their shared history belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and various contractees for the products of those two entities. Material from all seven seasons of BtVS is mentioned, as well as an item of information from Season 5 of AtS. This could be construed as what happened before The Legend of Ira Hayes. Thanks to Mr Space for gathering information from the CIA Country Information website while I wrote. No personal disrespect for large general contracting firms, equatorial Africa, or named places in California or their employees or residents is intended, although I did draw on Shannon's hatred of Twentynine Palms. • Five Things Xander Thought He Would Never Like Doing (Until Spike Convinced Him Otherwise) By EntreNous Rating: NC-17 Summary: Xander never, ever likes Spike's ideas, except for when he really, really does. Each of the five parts is a drabble (100 words exactly). Pairing: Spike/Xander Feedback: Yes, please. Concrit welcome via email. Warnings/Spoilers/Kinks: In order -- highlight to read -- *exhibitionism, rimming, cross-dressing, threesome, turning * * AN: A set of linked drabbles in the "Five Things" mode (so 500 words in total) written for the fourth season of fall_for_sx. The third drabble was inspired by a prompt given by kerri_is_dead; all others were inspired by way too much Coke Zero. • Five Times Xander Doesn't Tell Spike He Loves Him (And One Time He Does) By cordelianne Summary: The title basically says it all, other than that this is set a number of years post-Chosen/NFA. “Weird?” Spike exhales more disapproval. “That the best you can do? What happened to your sharp wit?” He stops and tilts his head. “Oh right, that’s me.” “You’re just overflowing with funny tonight, aren’t you?” Xander shakes his head. “I’ll have you know I’ve been making people laugh since 1996.” Pairing: Spike/Xander Feedback: I love comments. Concrit is very welcome by email. Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, Joss own them. A/N: Thanks to spookymonkey for the awesome beta! Any mistakes are mine (and you're always welcome to point out any to me!). Multi-Character Five Birthdays That Never Happened in Sunnydale By Soundingsea Rating: R Summary: AU crackfic like whoa, because even in 'verses that never were, characters die and grow old (though not necessarily in that order). Pairing: Joyce, Anya; Oz/Tara; Spike/Riley; Spike/Dawn; Faith, Lilah Disclaimer: ME, not me. Notes: Beta-read by spiralleds. Written for the BtVS/AtS Missing Stories Un-Ficathon. • The Five Games You Play In Heaven By Ari Summary: Five afterlives that might yet be; everyone is surprised. Spoilers: Through NFA. The rest of the header is behind a spoiler-cut for that reason. Featured Characters: Amanda, Anya, Cordelia, Dennis, Fred, Gunn, Jenny Calendar, Jonathan, Lilah, Tara, and Wesley Pairings: Mentions of canonical pairings involving all of the above, extra-canonical pairings between them, and intimations of yet more pairings. All the featured pairings are het or femslash. Notes: Thanks to Karabair, who suggested the dilemma posed in the first story. Apologies to Mitch Alboum, from whom I riffed the title. Disclaimer: If I owned them, would they all be dead? • Five Proceedings of the We Hate Cordelia Club By Francis Eugene Rating: All ages Summary: Just what the title says Characters: Xander, Willow, Jesse, Oz, Cordelia (implied) Spoilers: Through BtVS:Choosen and AtS:You're Welcome AN: This is just a little idea that stopped by a few weeks ago. Maybe I've just missed them--by accident or ignorance--but I'm very surprised not to have seen anything written around or about this key aspect of Xander and Willow's lives. Please let me know if there are other stories about the WHCC. AN2: Better late than never, but I should mention the last part of this story was inspired by a story, "Losses", by apckrfan, on FFN. At first, I didn't think that was enough to do anything with...until it struck me I could combine it with a "five things" construction. Then it just sort of wrote itself! • Five things that never happened in Sunnydale By dutchbuffy2305 Rating: R Spoilers: None (because, you know, these things did not happen…but refers to stuff up to season 4) Author's note: The first part of these five things has been published before; two of the others only on my LJ • • Five People Who Weren't Surprised to See the World End By Lyrstzha Rating: PG-13, gen Setting: Post "Not Fade Away" • Five Ressurections That Weren't By Kyra Cullinan Rating: PG • Five Vampires Dr. Horrible Never Met new By snowpuppies Rating: PG-13 Summary: Dr. Horrible has a plan to become more evil. Unfortunately, he needs the help of a vampire. Fandom: BtVS/Ats/Dr. Horrible Character/Pairing: Dr. Horrible, Spike, Angelus, Dru, Angel, Harmony Disclaimer and Other Distribution Information • Five Ways NFA Probably Didn’t End By thekorapersonality Rating: NC-17, I think. Warnings: Sex, violence, sex and violence, weirdly kinky in a place or two Summary: Ensemble, with focus on Angel, Connor, Spike, Buffy, and Dawn. Length: Come on. You can read it in one sitting. Ok, one half hour sitting. Disclaimer: Warren Zevon, I don’t know how it happened. "Dollfull" is a word coined by Thomas Pynchon. A line repeatedly stolen from Homer (not Simpson). • Five Ways the World Won't End (And One Way It Could) By Christina K Inspired by: the upcoming end of the season/series (although there are no active spoilers, only speculation); Kita's "Five Things That Aren't True" challenge (which I probably didn't adhere to around the edges), and Vanessa Nichols' Stargate SG-1 fic series, "Twelve". Thanks for the jumping off points, guys. Disclaimers: Am *not* Joss. Am Kiki. Big difference? No money. Thanks to: Perri for beta'ing and talking through of ideas & dialogue; Lizbet & Dee for giggling and sniffling reactions and other phone talk; the rest of the Horsechicks for encouragement and thumbs' up. Spoilers through S7's "The Killer in Me." • Five Ways to Celebrate Christmas By Selena Rating: PG Symmary: There is more than one prophecy child. Christmas through the years for Holtz, Fred, Wesley, Angel, the Rileys and Lorne. • Five Weddings That Never Happened By Shadowscast Rating PG Five shmoopy drabbles, consisting entirely of canonical pairings. Huh? Have I been taken over by aliens? • Five Xmas Gifts That May Have Seemed Like Good Ideas At The Time But, As It Turned Out, Really Weren't By Beer Good Summary: Five separate drabbles about christmas gifts where the thought probably counted, but the result wasn't very good. Pairing: W/T, Fred/Wes. Rating: PG • Love Hurts: Five Valentines That Were Never Exchanged By Chrislee Rating: NC 17 • Once in a Lullaby (Five Things That Happened Somewhere Else) By Doyle Rating: PG-13 For stakebait; I went for the third option you gave, the one about who the other characters are in the asylum reality. And not just because that option let me write Holden and reference the original movie. Honestly. Main | Contact