1.
Christmases made Mulder melancholy. It was the only time, really, that he remembered he was a transplant from the East Coast, and oh, yeah, from the land of the living.
He missed snow.
Angel, his crossed ankles propped up on his desk, said, “Try having two hundred winters, you’ll stop missing the snow.”
“One year, Scully and I investigated a haunted house,” Mulder said. He glanced upward at the ceiling. “We thought we’d shot each other.”
“Good times,” Angel said. “Hey, Charlton Heston double feature.”
“It really was haunted,” Mulder said, intent on his memory.
“This place was haunted,” Angel said, “by a fear-sucking demon. We killed it.”
“Everything’s demons, demons, demons, around here,” Mulder said. “Haven’t you encountered any ghosts at all?” He slumped down in the remaining office chair, sneakered feet sprawled out.
“All proven to be demon activity,” Angel said. “You going to the movies with me or do we have to sit here and watch Jimmy Stewart help an- ang--” he bit his lip.
Mulder looked up. “Jimmy Stewart had snow.“
Angel ran his hand over his face. “Fine,” he said. “We’ll drive up to the mountains.”
Mulder pulled out his cell phone and punched in a number. “He caved,” he said into it.
The office door opened, to show Fred in snow hat, sweater, mini skirt and Uggs, cell phone in hand. “I’ve got the weed!” she said, radiantly.
“I’ve got the blood and the chips in the kitchen,” Mulder said, pulling his coat from the back of his chair. “Jeeze, I don’t know what you did with yourself during the holidays until we came along.”
Angel sighed, melodramatically, but the other two swooped down on him and plucked him from his chairs and paper, and he didn’t really mind.
2.
“I can’t believe that Tara knitted you a pink sweater and you’re wearing it,” Larry chortled, Christmas night.
Xander concentrated. Nope, he still couldn’t kill anyone with his brain. Pity.
“Socks, too,” Angel said, pulling up his pants cuffs. “Anyone knitting for you?”
“No,” Larry said, and damned if he didn’t give Angel the sad puppy eyes.
“Chill,” Willow murmured, and put a cookie in Xander’s mouth.
Jessica held out her empty cup of eggnog. “Larry, stop agitating and nog me.”
“Haven’t you nogged enough?” Tony asked, inspecting the plate of iced cookies.
“Tara, are these----ginger ladies?”
Tara snatched the plate out of his hand. “Wrong batch!” she blushed, and hurried back into the kitchen.
Angel looked up. ‘Did they have boobs?” he asked, awed.
“Christmas at the Harris house,” sighed Jessica. “Larry! Bring me one o’ them tit cookies!”
3.
You wouldn’t believe the weirdos who come to the beach at Christmas, just to save a buck. I ask you. It’s not winter like I know winter, but it ain’t exactly thong season.
But, no vampires. And, no one’s figured out how to open the Panama City Beach Hellmouth, thank Christ. So, I figured our time in the redneck Riviera were comin’ to an end, and this hot Slayer and her vampire-with-a-soul (trademark definitely his alone now) should be thinkin’ fast to avoid duty in Cleveland. I mean, aside from Cleveland, I don’t think Angel really would enjoy all the rookie Slayers pingin’ on “vampire in the hood” and tryin’ to stake him all of the time.
Much fun as it would be to watch him slap ‘em down. Even Spike admitted that no one fights like Angel.
Christmas made us both kinda weird, I guess it’s the Irish Catholic thing we have in common, huh? Maybe that’s why he still likes convents. I wonder if it ever occurred to old Cordy to dress up like a nun? Prob’ly not but even though she never did it with him, I bet she thought about it.
I’m so going to hell. Heh.
But, not yet. This being Christmas Eve, the old vampire and I will watch little Ralphie about six times and he’ll eat popcorn with me because he likes the crunch once in a while. And if he yanks himself off in the shower downstairs, I take no notice, and if I had a quickie in the restroom of the pancake house, I cleaned up and threw away the clothes so he wouldn’t smell someone else on me.
Because our shit ain’t about sex, but sometimes? I wish it was, and wish I could bring in some mistletoe and just tackle him under it.
Instead, we exchange presents. You gotta love a man who buys you ninja throwing stars, and he seems to love gettin’ designer socks. What can I say? He does have the taste of a gay man.
4.
That Christmas, something tried to haunt Angel, but Devon and Oz kept him too stoned to care. “It’s like my old victims are appearing before me,” he said, slowly.
Oz toke another toke and passed the joint to Angel. “Yeah, but you’re sorry now, right? You’ve spent ninety years trying to do good?”
“Actually----” Angel began, and then stopped, joint held expertly between thumb and fingertip.
Devon finally said, “What?”
“I forgot,” Angel said sheepishly.
Buffy and Giles came by later and told them something about The First Evil, but Angel was out cold by then.
“I can’t believe I was worried,” Buffy muttered.
“Dude,” Devon said, dropping the bag of Doritos. “Is that snow out there?”
5.
Spike stopped Angel at the door to the suite. “I wouldn’t go in there,” he warned. “It’s the most frightening thing you’ve ever had to deal with. Also? Probably the most disgusting.”
“But I brought the ginger ale,” Angel protested.
“You’d better let me take it, old son,” Spike smirked. “Every time she raises her head from the toilet she says stuff about ‘Shanshu my ass’ and that she knew that sleeping with the living was a bad idea.” He adroitly took the plastic grocery bag from Angel’s slack grip. “You may want to sit down.”
Angel looked like a stunned ox. “She doesn’t have the flu?”
“I can hear a heartbeat,” Spike said smugly. “I can understand you not remembering that everything was alive, but I gave Sunny more credit.”
“You couldn’t possibly hear a heartbeat,” Angel said, but weakly.
“Fine. She peed onto one o’ them sticks,” Spike sighed. “Whatever. Wesley’s already gone an’ called Giles to see if there’s some prophecy, and there’s not, but----” Spike stopped, and grinned evilly. “Merry Christmas. “
“It’s Twelfth Night,” Angel said. He still looked stunned.
“And all’s well,” Spike said.
The End
For those who played along, here's my selection of my own AU: 1. The Cold Hand In Mine, Vampire!Mulder universe. 2. The S-Curve, Angel/Xander human universe 3. Disassociative , post NFA Angel/Faith universe 4. The Devon/Oz/Angel stoners’ universe 5. Epilogue to Running With Scissors, Angel/OC universe
What’s scary is, that I’ve done five other Angel ‘ships. Go figure.