Buffy walked through the doors of Angel's office, down the stairs, out in the day, where he couldn't follow. He knew that, she knew that. He just wished it never hurt this much to watch her go, especially with everything going on in his mind, all the memories that she'd never know. As he sat looking at the floor, he wondered if he had made the right decision.
He could still feel her in his arms, still feel her lips pressed up on his, still feel her head on his chest. He closed his eyes. All the promises they had made, all the words that they had said were gone. She would never know he made them, and she would never know what she made, but he will. He will always remember what she felt like, what she sounded like, what she felt like. It was something she had a really great honor of not knowing, for he knew it would always haunt him.
All the promises he had made to her, all the promises she had made to him, all of those little loving words they'd said was gone. Gone like the wind, never to come back. He did that. Not her. Him. He threw it all away, for what? for him? for her? for the world? Did he make the right decision? Could he keep all of this inside? He knew she would never forgive him if he told her everything that had happened, if she would even believe him. He knew he screwed up. That was pretty clear to him.
He wanted to yell, scream, punch something, throw himself out a window, commit vampire suicide. He finally had gotten every little thing that he wanted. Her, them, together. Him being human, something that just doesn't happen to someone like him. Was he that much of a moron?
He starred at the empty building, wondering what the hell he had done, if he had done the right thing. His mind was seriously fucked up at this point. He knew Buffy would agree. He loved her, more than he ever had before, so much it hurt, so much that he gave their happy ending up. For what? To save the world. As always. Sometimes he wanted to yell, "Fuck The World!" He wouldn't do it though; he couldn't. Angelus sure as hell could, but not Angel. He gave up everything just to save the world. Is it worth it? Was it worth it? Time will tell he guessed. Time was a funny thing. Four little word and has such big meaning. Time. Something he could've had alot with her. But no, he had given it all up, gone.
There was no going back; there was no second chance. There was just a big sign that read, 'Here Lies Angel, the Dumbass of the World!" Yes, that is what it would read. You're a dumbass, Angel.
He promised her the world, and then he took it all away, in just a simple flash. "My life for hers." Of course he'd give his life for her at anytime. And still would, even if he was an ass.That look in her eyes when she looked at him, after they made love, that sweet look in her eyes. He could hear Angelus laughing and taunting him with everything imaginable.
He couldn't think, he didn't even think he could see straight, all he could see was her eyes burning into his soul, her warmth against his, the warmth he used to have. He could even feel the room spinning a bit. "I need to lay down," he said to the empty building.
He started to walk down his lonely stairway, passed his kitchen, glancing at the table that was once tipped over, and walked into his bedroom. Surrounded of memories of her, he could almost still smell her scent against his pillows. He laid down and closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to take him. And he could only hope that those memories wouldn't haunt him, his mistakes wouldn't haunt him, but he knew they would. Angelus would make sure of that.
Feed Lynn Visit Lynn
Rating: R for a few cursing but PG-15. :)
Summary: After Buffy leaves Angel wonders if he made the right decision
Thanks to: Thanks to bend_dontbreak & mshydehj7