keaton is key
The Bronze was hopping. As much as a bar that played grunge music could hop. Not, like, hip-hop hopping, or bunny hopping, or… Harmony couldn’t remember what other kinds of hopping there were. Whatever. There were a lot of people.
She recognized some of them from school. It was neat, to see them all again. Buffy and her friends hung out at the Bronze a lot, so it was tough for Harmony to go there. Now that she was Buffy’s arch-nemisis, and all. It was cool, not having the Slayer around, spoiling her fun. She could catch up, see old friends. Maybe bring one home for dinner.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” came a voice as someone bumped into her. The guy’s drink came *this* close to spilling all over her new white blouse.
“No big, it’s really crowded in here,” Harmony replied, examining her shirt. It was clean. He was *so* lucky.
She looked up at the guy’s face. “Scott? Scott Hope?”
Scott Hope smiled at her. “Hey! Harmony!”
“Oh my god, how *are* you? I haven’t seen you since graduation!”
“I left town right after graduation. I’m in film school down in L.A. I’m just back visiting my folks. How about you?”
“I… kind of left right after graduation, too.” Harmony smiled. “So, film school, huh? Wow, that is *so* cool.”
Scott waved his drink around. It was bright red. “Not as cool as you’d think. It’s a lot of standing around for hours, waiting for them to light the shot. But I’m really good at standing now. I’m a standing expert.”
“Oh, that sounds really boring. Listen, it’s kind of hard to talk in here. Really loud, you know? Do you wanna, take a walk outside with me?”
“Sure, I guess.” He put down his drink, and they turned towards the door. “This isn’t your not-so-subtle way of trying to pick me up, is it?”
Harmony gave him her best flirt. “Well, I did have kind of a crush on you in high school.”
*
Harmony came into the crypt dragging a body behind her. Spike looked up from the TV.
“Hey, honey. I brought you dinner.”
Spike uncurled himself from the chair and strolled across the room. He sniffed the guy in Harmony’s arms. “Didn’t leave me much, there, Harm. The guy’s almost drained.” He sniffed again. “And he’s been drinking Singapore Slings.”
“I thought he tasted kind of fruity,” Harmony said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take so much. I kind of got carried away. I always thought he was *way* cute back in high school.”
“You know this guy?”
“Yeah, this is Scott. We went to school together.”
“Had yourself a cozy little reunion, did you?” He smirked at her. “Well, you’ll have to snap his neck or something. I can’t drink from him till he’s dead.” Spike tapped his head. “Chip.”
“Oh.” Harmony frowned. “But I don’t wanna kill him.”
Spike gave her the I-love-syphilis-more-than-you look. “Well, why did you bite him, then?”
“I wanna turn him.”
“You. Wanna turn him.”
“Well… yeah.”
“Why?”
“Well, you’re always bugging me about having a threesome. And I figured we could, you know, do boy-boy-girl.”
Spike grinned. “Don’t need to turn him to shag him, love. Somethin’ to be said for a warm body.”
Harmony pouted. “I know, but I want him to be really *into* me, you know? In high school he was too busy panting after Buffy to even notice me.”
That caught his attention. “He was friends with the Slayer?”
“Yeah, they dated for a bit in senior year.”
“Really?” Spike paused for a moment, considering something. He took hold of the boy’s face. “Well, let’s have a look at him, then.”
The boy… Scott?... was pretty. Almost too pretty, for a boy. Full lips. High cheeks. Fine bone structure. He reminded Spike of someone.
Spike bit into his wrist and held it to the boy’s mouth. He shook Scott’s head lightly until he started to drink.
“Hey!” Harmony whined. “I wanted to do it!”
“Better if I do it, luv,” Spike said. “If you want him to listen to us. Remember that last bloke you sired?”
Harmony pouted some more, remembering Brad’s treachery. “I guess. It’s just so hard to be tough on them, when they bring you unicorns and stuff.” She sighed. “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a mother.”
*
Scott woke to the sounds of moaning. He could hear movement, but he couldn’t see where it was coming from. There was a high-pitched squeal and a loud grunt; then the movement stopped and it was quiet.
He could see that he was on the floor, next to a bed, but nothing beyond that. “Where am I?”
“Scottie!” Harmony leaned over the bed. Her boobs hung down over the edge of the mattress. They were big boobs. “You’re awake! It’s been almost two days.”
“Harmony? Why are you naked?” He sat up. Then he noticed a guy with bleached blond hair. Who was also on the bed. Who was also naked. Who was smoking, grinning at Scott like a white wolf. A hungry, well-muscled, naked white wolf. Scott swallowed. “And who’s this guy?”
“Name’s Spike,” the guy replied in a liquid baritone. “I’m the boss ’round here.”
Scott looked around the dimly lit room. It looked almost like a cave. “Where’s here?”
Harmony flashed a Colgate smile at him. “Oh, Scottie, this is going to be so great! We can hang out and go hunting together and have lots of hot three-way sex… You don’t mind sex with boys, do you? ’Cause my Spikey here is a demon in the sack. Well, he’s a demon in every other way, too, ‘cause, you know, vampire, so…”
Scott shook his head. She was making even less sense than usual. “Harmony, what are you talking about?”
Harmony stared at him. “You know. Vampire. What we are?”
Scott had the urge to run, but he couldn’t see a way out of the cave. “There’s no such thing as vampires.”
“Sure there is,” Harmony replied. “I’m one. Spike’s one, and now you’re one, too.” She smiled brightly.
“Harm,” Spike said, butting out his cigarette. “Let’s not scare the lad, shall we?” Spike stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans. Scott couldn’t help staring at his abdomen. The guy was ripped. “Why don’t we go for a stroll? Scottie-boy here looks like he could use a bite to eat.”
Scott noticed for the first time how ravenous he was. Maybe a walk and some dinner would clear his head, and things would start making some kind of sense. “Yeah,” he said, a little shakily. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
*
Scott had walked the streets of Sunnydale a thousand times, but tonight, everything was different. The darkness wasn’t as dark. Colours were brighter. Sounds were louder. And the smells…
“What’s that smell?”
“Smells like copper?” Spike asked. His leather duster swung behind him as he walked. It was the coolest coat.
“Yeah.”
“That’s the blood, mate. You can smell it on them.”
“On who?”
“Everyone.”
“Spikey’s been doing this a long time, Scott,” Harmony said. “You should listen to what he says. He’s got a lot to teach you.” She had her serious face on, which meant there was no way Scott could take her seriously.
A pretty blonde passed by on the sidewalk and gave them a shy smile hello. Scott felt his stomach growl.
Spike’s eyes followed the girl. “You like her?” he asked softly.
Scott nodded.
“Well,” he said, taking Scott by the arm. His flesh tingled through his shirtsleeve where Spike’s hand touched him. “Let’s go get dinner.”
*
Scott was totally wired.
The girl had been easy to kill. Spike had tracked her scent until they found her in a dark, quiet neighborhood. Then Scott had pounced. Between him and Harmony, they’d ripped the girl’s throat out.
“That was so cool!” He was practically bouncing. “I felt like a superhero or something. And the blood… man, I thought it would taste gross. But it was better than Singapore Slings!”
“Same colour, at least,” Spike said. “Speaking of, I could use a drink. Let’s go to Willie’s.”
“Spikeeey,” Harmony whined. “I want to make with the hot sex.”
A slow, lazy smile spread across Spike’s face. Scott felt his stomach flip over.
Spike pulled Harmony close. “Plenty of time for that, luv.” He looked at her from under dark lashes, tongue flicking out of his mouth. “Tell you what.” He nuzzled into her neck. “Why don’t you go back…” he kissed her throat… “put on that sexy negligee of yours, and get the crypt set up nice and romantic-like? We’ll be along soon. I wanna have a chat with our new boy, here.”
Harmony’s eyes glowed. Scott had the feeling that Spike could talk her into setting herself on fire, if he had a mind to.
“Okay,” Harmony replied. “Don’t be too long.”
Spike gave her a kiss. “ ’K, luv. See you later.” Then he turned smoldering eyes on Scott. “You comin’, then?”
Scott could only nod and follow.
*
They slid into a booth in a dark, dirty bar, with patrons who looked like they’d just walked off the set of a Wes Craven movie. Spike ordered a pint of blood and a bottle of scotch.
“Do you have any Singapore Slings?” Scott asked. The waitress just rolled her eyes. All six of them.
“He’ll have a beer,” Spike said, and she went off to get their drinks.
“How come you’re ordering blood?” Scott asked. “I mean, why didn’t you drink from that girl we just ate?”
Spike growled like a wild beast. Scott had never heard a sound like it before. It made the blood rush to his cock.
“Can’t bite anymore,” Spike replied, his voice dripping with venom. “Bloody military types captured me a while back. Planted some sort of chip in my head. Fries my brain every time I try to hurt a human.” The waitress brought them their drinks. Spike ignored the blood and went straight for the scotch.
“Man, that’s tough,” Scott replied. “So, you can’t hurt anyone? At all?”
Spike looked straight at him, and this time, his smile was cold. “Only works on humans, mate. So don’t go getting any ideas. I could kick your arse into next Tuesday.”
“Oh, I wasn’t… I mean…” Scott bumbled. He didn’t want to piss this guy off. “Wow,” he continued. “Trapped by technology. It’s like a Buster Keaton movie or something.”
Spike snorted. “Yeah. Bloody Sherlock Junior, I am.”
Scott’s eyes widened. “You know Keaton?”
“I knew him, yeah. Man could take a pratfall better’n any human I’ve ever seen.”
“You *met* him?” Scott squirmed with excitement.
“Yeah, sure. Me and my ex, we hung out with him in the ’20s. She used to toss him around like a rag doll. The man was made of rubber or something. She’s heave him across the room and he’d land just as soft as you please, then get up and keep on going.”
“Oh, Keaton was brilliant at that. His family had a vaudeville act. He was getting thrown around the stage from the time he was five years old.” Scott paused, and a frown crossed his face. “How long have you had this chip?”
“A year and change.”
“So, you didn’t have it back in the 1920s.”
“Don’t think technology had advanced that far, mate. They didn’t even have talkies.”
“So, why were you hanging out with Buster Keaton? I mean, if you didn’t have the chip, why didn’t you just eat him?”
“You can’t eat a bloke like Keaton,” Spike snorted. “Man was a ruddy genius. Now Chaplin, I’d have eaten him in a heartbeat. He got all the props, but Keaton was twice as smart and three times as funny. Even vampires have some scruples.”
“Huh.” Scott sipped his beer. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t. Eat him, I mean. Think of all the great films that never would have been made.”
“Yeah, I’m a real patron of the arts.” Spike took a swig of blood. “So how come you’re such a fan of old movies?”
“I’ve always been a movie buff. I’m going to film school.” He frowned again. “Or I was. I guess I can’t really go back to L.A. now that I’m dead.”
“Can if you like,” Spike said. “Or you could hang out here with me and Harm. Sunnydale’s not a bad place for demons, so long as you keep out of the Slayer’s way. ’Course, you’ve got an edge there, seeing as you dated her and all.”
“Dated who?”
“The Slayer,” Spike said. “Buffy. Harmony said you dated her.”
“Buffy Summers?”
“Yeah. She’s the Slayer. Kills vampires, demons and other nasties.”
Scott was starting to feel a little like Sherlock Junior, too. The scene kept changing when his back was turned.
“You didn’t know,” Spike said.
“No. I didn’t. But it explains a lot.”
“Like what?” Spike asked, looking at him intently. Scott could smell something… different… coming off him at the mention of Buffy's name, but he couldn’t identify it.
“Well, she always seemed so distracted. Like she had something on her mind, but she never wanted to talk about it. Whenever I asked her about it, she kept saying everything was fine.”
“So she wasn’t big on the sharing, then.”
“Not with me, anyway.”
“Seems odd. Seeing as you were close, and all.”
“Well, we only dated for a few weeks. She changed, you know? At first she was like this force of nature, then she just kind of… I don’t know… shut down.”
“Happens when your ex comes back from a hundred-year vacation in hell.” Scott looked at Spike, feeling more baffled every minute. “Long story. Look, why don’t we head back? Harmony’s probably got candles burning for us. If we leave her alone too long she’ll set the crypt on fire.”
*
Just as Spike had predicted, the crypt was glowing with candles. Harmony had decked out the bed with red satin sheets, pillowcases, and some kind of pink canopy. She lay on the bed in her negligee, her limbs carefully arranged in a Marilyn Monroe cheesecake pose. The whole thing looked like the set of a porno film.
“Well, well,” Spike breathed. “Look at you.”
Harmony seemed pleased with the effect she’d created. “You like?”
“Why don’t you come over here, and let me show you how much?”
Harmony crawled across the mattress to where Spike stood, at the foot of the bed. When she reached him, Spike swung his fist and knocked her unconscious.
Scott gaped. “What’d you do that for?”
“Don’t worry, she’ll be alright.” Spike carried her to a back corner of the crypt, out of sight. Scott heard a clink, like the sound of a lock clicking into place. Then Spike reappeared, shedding his duster. “Just giving you what you want, is all.” He prowled across the room, reminding Scott again of a wolf.
Scott swallowed. “And what is it you think I want?” He’d been going for Eastwood, but it came out sounding like Fairbanks.
Spike was close enough to touch him, now. “You wanna be alone. With me.” He slid a finger up the front of Scott’s shirt. “I don’t think you’re really big on the sharing, either.” He began to undo the buttons. “And I don’t think Harmony’s exactly your type.”
“I’m not gay,” Scott protested, but his feet wouldn’t move.
“Not the point,” Spike said. He had the shirt open, now, running his fingers over Scott’s chest. “Thing about bein’ a vampire is, you get to act on every urge you’ve ever had. Nothing to restrain you or hold you back. So, yeah, maybe you like girls.” Spike’s finger circled around his nipple, making his breath hitch. “But there’s always that part of you that wonders. Even if it’s just for a moment.”
Spike's eyes looked up and held him, and he felt a lurching sense of vertigo. Spike was smaller than him, yet his presence was overpowering.
“I never wondered,” he replied in a small voice.
Spike gave him a knowing look. “Sure, you didn’t.” Then he brought Scott’s mouth down to his and kissed him.
*
Scott was lost. An hour ago he hadn’t even known the pleasure of Spike’s mouth. Now he was obsessed with it.
It consumed him with a hunger he hadn’t known was possible. It trailed over his chest, tasted his nipples, licked at his fingers. When it slid over the bite mark that Harmony had given him, it made him gasp and squirm. When it sucked on his cock, it made him try to crawl up inside Spike’s throat as far as he could go. And since Spike didn’t need to breath, that was pretty fucking far.
“Oh. Oh yeah. Oh yes. Spike… Oh! GOD!”
He collapsed against the mattress, panting. Spike crawled up his body, a shit-eating grin on his face. Or sperm-eating, maybe. “Yeah, you never wondered at all.”
“I guess maybe Harmony isn’t my type, after all.” Scott tried to catch his breath.
“Wasn’t talking about her parts, mate.” Spike lay on top of him, grinding his erection into Scott’s thigh. “She just doesn’t have what you want.”
“Right now the only thing I want is to feel your mouth on me again,” he replied, his lips seeking Spike’s.
Spike chuckled. “And why do you think that is? Day before yesterday you didn’t even know me. Now you’re craving me like a drug. You know why?”
Great. Now they were playing Twenty Questions, and his brain was only firing on two cylinders. All he could do was play along until Spike decided to shut up and kiss him again. “No. Why?”
“It’s the blood, mate. My blood. Made you what you are.”
“Harmony bit me.”
“She bit you, but I brought you back.”
“I was passed out. How do I know that’s true?”
“See for yourself,” Spike said, and held his wrist across Scott’s mouth. “Go on, then.”
Scott’s face changed and he bit into the wrist. At the first drop of Spike’s blood, his eyes went wide. He’d never tasted anything like it in his life. It tasted of power, of sex, of rage and longing, of scotch and cigarette smoke and musty earth and himself. He latched on and sucked as if his life depended on it.
“That’s enough,” Spike said, pulling his arm away. “You believe me now?” Scott nodded. Spike reached around the bed’s makeshift canopy and pulled out a pair of manacles, one end fastened to the wall. He clinked them shut around Scott’s wrists. He didn’t even try to resist.
Spike grinned. “The blood always knows its master.”
The next thing he knew, Spike was lifting his legs and rubbing the bloody wrist against his ass. Then he felt a finger pushing inside him.
“Feel good?” Spike asked.
“Feels strange,” he replied.
Spike moved his fingers around until Scott felt a bolt of pleasure shoot through his body.
“How ’bout now?”
Scott just whimpered and nodded. Spike kept probing and teasing until he was a writhing, quivering mass of flesh.
“Please…” he gasped.
“Please what?” Spike whispered.
“Please… I need…”
“What do you need?”
“I… I don’t know… Something...”
“Something else?” He pressed against that spot. “Here?”
“Yes…”
“Want to feel my cock inside you?”
“Yes…”
“Want me to fuck you? Fuck you till you scream?”
“Yes… Oh, god, please, yes…”
Spike crawled between his legs and pushed inside him. He expected it to hurt, but he was so ready there was hardly any pain. Then Spike started to move and there was nothing but pleasure.
“See, this is what you want.” Spike’s voice was low and filthy. “I know you, luv. Know your type. Why you get lost at the movies. Why you you were drawn to the Slayer.” There was that smell again, and Scott realized with a bolt of shock that it was desire. It was radiating off them both. “You wanna be part of something bigger than yourself,” Spike went on. “You love the passion. The drama.” A hand grabbed his cock and stroked, and he nearly wept from the intensity. “Wanna be swept away.”
“Yes…” Scott turned his head, exposing his bite mark. “Do it. Oh, god… For fuck’s sake, please, do it!”
Spike growled in triumph and bit hard into his neck. Scott could hear himself screaming as he came. Then everything went dark.
*
When he woke up, Spike was sitting in the same position he’d been when he’d first laid eyes on him. Scott felt like he was watching a nature show. He could hear David Attenborough’s clipped English accent in his head: The white Vampire wolf is a vicious predator. Its natural habitat is underground or in caves. It can most often be seen naked, hunting or smoking, sometimes all three at once.
“Nice nap?”
“Yeah. Weird dreams, though. Malcom McDowell was chasing me with an axe.”
“Kubrick, now. You’ve got movies on the brain, mate.”
“Yeah.” he frowned. “I’m gonna miss that.” He started to pull on his clothes.
“So, where to now? Back to L.A.?”
“Eventually. First I’m gonna look up Buffy.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “You sure you wanna do that? Odds are you’ll come out of that little reunion in a dust buster.”
“Yeah, but it’s like you said. I love the drama.” He pulled on his shoes. “Gotta give it the old college try.” He paused on the edge of the bed and looked at Spike. “College.”
“What?”
“Keaton’s film, College. Ever see it?”
“Musta missed that one.”
“He plays an academic genius who wins a college scholarship. He meets a girl there and falls in love with her. But she's not interested in smarts. She wants an athlete. So he tries every sport he can think of, to win her heart. He makes himself over into somebody else, so she’ll love him.”
Spike gave him a curious look. “And does she?”
“Well, he pretty much sucks at the sports. But she loves him anyway for trying.”
“Huh.” Spike nodded, as if acknowledging something. “Well, reinventing yourself is no big deal. Done it myself plenty of times.” He took a drag off his cigarette. “Not that I have any reason to do it again.”
Scott smiled. “Sure, you don’t.”
He got up and headed toward the ladder. “What are you gonna tell Harmony when she wakes up? She’ll be upset that she didn’t get her threesome.”
“I’ll make up some bollocks that you tried to betray us. Did it all to protect her. She’ll be thinking I’m the big hero.”
Scott laughed. “She was always so gullible. I can’t believe she conned me into getting bit.”
“Not like you could’ve known what she was.” Spike looked into his eyes, and he felt his stomach flutter again. “Don’t sell yourself short, mate. You’re smarter than you look.”
Scott’s hand rested on the ladder. “Spike… the ending of College is pretty ambiguous. The hero gets the girl, but once he gets her… well, let’s just say it’s not quite the fairy tale he imagined.”
Spike smiled gently. “What can I say, luv? I like the whirlwind.”
Scott smiled back. “Yeah. Me, too.”
With a nod of thanks, he climbed up the ladder and into the night, looking for his big break.