Bad Angel

What the Bad Angel Really Did in Buffy's Room

By Chris Geary-Durrill

I get the idea that most Buffy the Vampire Slayer style vampires, due to the low grade demon that animates them, don't have enough imagination to do something really evil like, say, Enron grade scandals or elevator music versions of The Artist Formerly Known as Prince's Little Red Corvette.

No, despite their fiendish big talk of bringing on Armageddon, the following is more likely within our boy's range:

The Bad Angel: (snort, giggle)You'll never guess what I did to the Slayer tonight, you'll never guess, c'mon guess!

Spike lights up butt and exhales a cloud of blue smoke while rolling his eyes and says: Is it worth my time?

The Bad Angel: You'll never guess, I was brilliant!

Spike: Let me guess, you left another vaguely threatening message written on cheap yellow paper on her bedside table to find when she gets ready to go to bed.

The Bad Angel: Yes, but you'll never guess what other cruelties I inflicted upon her after that!

Spike (sarcastically): Oh dear. Oh dearie dear, whatever did you do to the Slayer this time!

The Bad Angel: I short sheeted her bed, then I shook up every diet Pepsi in her refrigerator!!! (Angel goes into an orgasm of evil laughter at his own cleverness while Spike wanders away in a cloud of bored disgust and tobacco smoke.)

Spike (mutters off camera): Wanker!

Note: Can anybody tell me why when somebody goes bad in a T.V. show or a movie, that the first thing they do is light up a smoke? Another note: Should Druscilla ever offer to give you a haircut, turn her down. Especially if she's concealing a Weedeater behind her back.

Feed Chris
Back to the Essay Index