Dawn's Fake Vampire Boyfriend

Dawn's Fake Vampire Boyfriend

By Green

Rating: PG
Pairing: Spike/Dawn
Notes: Written for hermionesviolin for sarah_p's Spikeficathon. Thanks to Wesleysgirl for beta reading and for LadyCat for cheerleading.
Disclaimer: Not my characters. I'm kinda sad about that.


Dawn paused at the door of the crypt and wondered just what the hell she was doing. This was insane. Spike was never going to go along with it, and ... he'd probably laugh and tell her to go away. Then she wouldn't show up at the party, and they'd laugh at her for weeks. Months. Years. She'd never live it down.

What had possessed her to say it in the first place? Hmm, maybe possess was the right word; maybe there was some kind of 'say the first stupid thing that comes to mind' demon on the loose. Yeah. Surely there was such a thing? If there was a demon like Sweet, who'd get them all to sing and dance along to whacked out show tunes ...

Deep breath. Spike. In the crypt. You have to knock or something eventually, Dawn.

Gah, she was such a chicken.

She backed away and began to pace the grassy area around the crypt. The sun was going down, and soon it would be dark, and then she'd have to go inside, because she wasn't so stupid to think that her one little ole stake would be enough protection against a pack of newly risen vampires. But she'd think of that later; right now she was too busy berating herself.

"Oh, I have a boyfriend," Dawn muttered to herself. "Sure, he's a much older, really cool guy who wears leather and smokes. How much older, you ask? Oh, old enough to know what he's doing, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink." She kicked the side of the crypt in frustration and folded her arms. "Stupid, stupid Dawn. I should have just stuck with the whole 'I'm an independent woman, I don't need boys to make me happy' line." Sure, they hadn't really buying it, but it sounded a hell of a lot classier.

The kick against the crypt made her feel a little better, so she did it again. And again. "Stupid Dawn. Stupid party. Why do I let myself get talked into things?"

'Oh, you should bring your boyfriend, Dawn!' the other girls had said, their voices all sneering, like there wasn't any boyfriend. Sure, there really wasn't, but ... where did they get off insinuating Dawn was lying? She could have had Spike for a boyfriend. You know, if he wasn't so hung up on Buffy. He wasn't too big with the rights and wrongs -- she could have probably talked him into it if he hadn't gotten all moon eyed and ... ugh. Dawn made a face and kicked the crypt again.

"You gonna come in, Bit, or are you gonna just beat up on my house a little while longer?" Spike said from behind her.

Shit. The sun had set and Spike was standing right behind her, probably thinking she was going crazy. Hey, maybe that was a good thing, he liked crazy chicks, right?

Dawn turned to face him, thankful for the darkened sky so he couldn't see the blush creeping up her neck and flooding her face.

"Um, hi?" she said, a little abashed smile on her face. She hoped it looked cute.

"Coming in?" Spike repeated, making her blush a little harder.

"Yes. Yeah. I'm ... yeah. Coming. Right behind you!" she answered nervously.

Oh, this was great. She was babbling. She'd used ... what, ten freaking words to say 'Yes'? How was she going to get through the whole story, and convince him that going to the party with her wasn't a colossal waste of time?

She followed him inside, and he sat down on his recliner, his back to her. She paused a minute at the entrance, then came in and looked for a place to sit. Finally, she ended up standing in front of his chair. She had a sudden odd feeling, like she was about to give a book report in front of her class. She cleared her throat and shifted from foot to foot.

Spike raised his eyebrows. "What's going on, pet?"

"What? Oh, yeah, right. Um, okay. See, here's the thing." She shifted again and cleared her throat. "I need you. To come with me, to a party."

His mouth twitched. She could tell he was struggling not to laugh at her. Ugh. Hello humiliation.

"A party, huh?" Spike said. No, not said. Drawled. Dawn had an itchy little urge to just kick him.

She clenched her fists by her sides and refrained from jumping at him and punching him.

"Yeah. I'm kinda expected to -- to bring you."

"To bring me?" Spike fixed her with a suspicious look. "This isn't some vamp stakin' party is it?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. He could be so weird. "No, it's just a party. With people, and music." She took a deep breath. "AndIkindatoldthemyouweremyboyfriendandtheydon'tbelievemesoyouhavetocomesoIwon'tbehumiliatedcompletely," she said in a rush.

Spike blinked. "You told them -- what, now?"

"That you were my boyfriend! Well, I mean, not you, but I told them I had a boyfriend, and that he was older, and British, and wore leather, and ... and smoked and was blonde and was cool and ... mmphfnameike," she said, mumbling the last bit.

"You told them your bloke's name was Spike?" he asked, that one stupid eyebrow cocked up really high.

Dawn huffed and started to pace. "Well it's not like a actually know a lot of guys. I mean, it was either you, Xander, or ... ew ... Giles. And Xander'd be great, except that they've seen Xander, and how easy Buffy is with him, and I knew I'd never be able to convince them that she was cool with me having him as a boyfriend. Unless I could convince them he and I were carrying on a secret affair behind Buffy's back ..."

"As fascinatin' as this is, Nibblet, would you move on to the part where you explain just why the bloody hell I'm s'posed to go to a party with you?"

Dawn opened and closed her mouth a few times before blurting out, "Because I'll look like an idiot if you don't!" She took a breath and started again, more slowly this time. "Look, I know you're cool, and you've got the whole 'I don't give a bloody shit what the world thinks of me' thing going on, but ... I don't. I'm not cool. I've been humiliated, many, many times, and I just ... I wanted there to be one time that I could show off a little. You have no idea what it's like, having a whole room full of people point and laugh at you," she said miserably.

Spike's eyes softened a little and he tilted his head, like he was thinking. Then he stood suddenly, grabbing his duster. "All right then, where's this party?"


Dawn smiled smugly as the other girls stared at Spike and whispered to each other. Spike looked good. Marcia and Tammy were practically drooling, while at the same time sending scathing, hateful looks Dawn's way. Well then, that was just fine.

Spike was taking his role as Really Cool Older Boyfriend very seriously. He ignored the other boys and nearly sneered at the other girls. He draped his arm very casually over Dawn's shoulder as they walked around the room, whispering things in her ear that made her giggle and blush. To anyone, it looked like he was talking dirty to her, telling her what he would do to her once he got her alone again. In reality, he was telling her that the football captain Jag Holstein smelled like Supe-R Penis Gro cream, and that Marcia's 'posh LA salon' dye job looked like she got it out of kool-aid package.

When they'd been at the party for forty-five minutes, Tammy decided to get catty.

"So what do you do ... Spike?" she said, saying the name like she was saying 'vomit'.

"Little bit 'o everythin'," Spike answered, lighting a cigarette. Dawn waved her hand in front of her face without thinking, earning an annoyed look.

"Oh, so you're one of those," Tammy said.

"One of what?" Dawn asked, taking offense. Nobody talked like that to her fake boyfriend.

"Oh, you know," Tammy said, waving her hand, imitating a snobbish adult. Dawn wondered if Tammy looked as childish to Spike as she did to her.

"I'm an Oxford graduate, I'm just taking some time off before I dedicate my life to one occupation," Spike said smoothly, his accent evening out. Dawn's eyes got so big she thought they might bulge out of her head.

Tammy's mouth was opening and closing, but she wasn't saying anything.

"Come on, luv," Spike said, turning to Dawn. "This party is a bit of a bore, don't y'think?"

Dawn smiled. "Yeah, it kinda is." She grinned evilly as Spike put his cigarette out with the heel of his boot, grinding it into Tammy's parent's carpet. She looked back at Tammy, who was turning a nice shade of violet. "Bye!" she said cheerily.

Spike wrapped his arm around her, a little tighter this time -- kinda possessive, actually -- and led them out the front door.


Spike walked her home. It was kinda nice. He actually kept his arm around her the whole time, which was really nice. She didn't know if she should tell him to stop, especially when she really didn't want him to stop, and maybe he wasn't paying attention and ... and maybe he was, and he wanted to walk with her this way, holding her close to him like he was her real boyfriend. Whatever it was, she wasn't going to give it up. She'd had exactly one other date in her life, and he'd turned out to be a bloodsucking evil vampire. Oh, wait ... dammit. Okay, well, at least she knew Spike was a vampire, it wasn't like he was going to surprise her at the last minute, right?

"So, I think I should get a goodnight kiss," Spike said, stopping by the big tree in Dawn's front yard.

Okay. So maybe he was going to surprise her. Wait, scratch that, maybe he was going to shock the bloody hell out of her. Shit, now she was thinking in Spikeisms.

"What?" she managed to say, even though her throat half closed on the word.

"A kiss," Spike said casually. "'s traditional, yeah? Take your girl to a party, walk her home, get a kiss."

Dawn's head whipped around as she tried to figure out who the hell Spike was talking to. Hmm, no one there. Well, this was ... interesting.

"Me. You -- Spike -- want to kiss me."

Spike grinned. It was really, really sexy. Oh, god.

"Yeah, that was the idea," he said, putting his other arm around her and pulling her close.

"But ... but I'm ... "

Her little protest was cut off.

Lips. Mouth. Wait ... wait ... oh holy shit, tongue.

Dawn whimpered, she could actually hear it, and she kinda couldn't feel her legs at all anymore, maybe they completely liquefied and soaked into the ground and all that was left of her was her body and her hair -- he was stroking her hair -- her mouth -- he was stroking her mouth, her tongue with his, and he moaned and it was the sexiest thing she'd ever heard, ever.

He let her go and she swayed. Literally, swayed, like she was going to fall over. Spike leaned her back against the tree, keeping her from making a complete idiot of herself.

"Alrighty then. I'll just be going now, you go on in the house where it's safe."

Dawn managed a very convincing blink.

Spike grinned. "I'll be seeing you." He turned around, his coat swishing, and he walked away.

He walked away. At that moment, Dawn didn't think she'd ever be able to walk, ever, ever again.

The End

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